I tried to look nice today.
I went out, looking for a job again, and I put make up on for the first time in weeks. I'm driving a green pontiac now, and I've lost all of my tapes. They were in my old car. They're still in my old car. The radio said that U93 is having a new evolution, and I know what that feels like because I am too. I just don't have the same voice down.
Here's a list of everywhere I went: Dairy Queen, Between the Buns, Macri's, Old Navy, Logan's, Cici's, Red Robin, Houlihan's, Hacienda, Olive Garden, and Culver's. It was extremely hot, especially when I walked across the Old Navy parking lot. I imagined myself as someone driving in a car and seeing myself walking through the parking lot.
I've been doing this a lot recently--- having these out of body experiences. This may be because I feel so unrooted at this time in my life. I have no responsibilities and everything to believe in but no chance to act on anything. I've stopped wearing eye makeup and stopped looking fashionable, making myself into someone that could be anyone. Because I can be anyone, because I can make myself believe in anything. Because I am just treading water until I can leave this town and become someone entirely different--- now, I am in between two people. One was imaginary and the next is real.
And right now I just really need a job. I'm always asked about my special skills, which I have discovered I have a lot of. I always put something different. For instance, when I was applying to Aerie, I wrote that I have a "gift" in tying ribbon and an unbelievably soothing voice. I figured that's what they look for in an employee. Maybe I was wrong--- they haven't called me yet, but I don't think I was. And I can also predict the future, which I like to make known. I know what people are going to say before they say it. I know what they mean.
I just never know what I'm going to say.